Have you been struggling to write recently? Well, you are not alone. Sometimes it’s lifus interruptus, sometimes you just cannot get your head in the game, and sometimes the character you most want to talk to you just doesn’t have anything to say.
Yep, that’s me.
Like so many of you, my life changed in 2020. I am blessed in that we did not lose any
loved ones but my life still changed drastically.
In late February of that year we were looking into having my FIL placed
in a nursing home. He could no longer
care for himself, and it wasn’t safe for him to be alone.
Well, we all know what happened just a few short weeks later. But that did not change the fact that my FIL
still could not be left alone. Which meant
we had to change our lives around in order to take care of him 24/7. My house is not big enough to fit one more
person, and there was neither time nor money to build an in-law apartment
on. So we had to make the decision to
divide our time, with the help of a couple of family friends, and care for him
there.
I never imagined that three years later we would still be
doing this. But life has changed, financial
pictures have changed, and we have not yet found a way to get my FIL the full
time long term care he needs. So we struggle
and juggle.
That struggle has taken a toll on my life considerably. Now along with working two jobs I care for my
FIL in the mornings.
Add to that the usual worries about the cost of groceries
and gas and the heating bills, my FIL’s merry go round of doctor appointments,
lab work and other needs and life isn’t just busy it’s scary busy. And if you’ve ever been a caregiver you know
there are no days off, no sick days, no rest, no end to the endless stress and
worry. And if I am honest, resentment. This
is not a man who was kind to me when I first joined his family and while most
days I can separate the man I care for now, who has dementia, from the one who
was so nasty to me in the past. Most
days.
And he has a daughter and grandson who could be helping but offer
nothing but excuses as to how busy they are and then don’t hesitate to tell us
what we should be doing. So my
husband and two sons and I carry the load along with one remaining family
friend.
Where to find the time to write in the midst of all this
chaos?
Join me here each Monday—hopefully—for an update on my progress
as I fight to reclaim the very thing I have spent my life wanting to do, my therapy
during sad or hard times, the thing that brings me joy and fulfillment.
Currently there are at least a dozen characters pushing,
shoving and elbowing one another out of the way to be next in line to tell
their story.
Will I make it and get back on track with writing? Or will I fail miserably? Only time will tell.
The struggle is real.
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